Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
