Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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