no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
