my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize