Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
