Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
