No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
