guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
