Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is wine microwaveable?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
