i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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