a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
