It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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