his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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