i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
