im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
