Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
