better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
