Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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