I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
