what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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