I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Text me some of your sweat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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