I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
