I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
