I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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