she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want her autograph on my taint
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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