3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
