we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
