you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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