Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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