you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
