He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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