I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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