you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
