Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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