She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am available for nakedness
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
