Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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