Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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