So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
