I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
