FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
