Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
