I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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