I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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