Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
