I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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