Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize