I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
