people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize