can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
