where does the pee come out of this thing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
