I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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