I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize