just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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