I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
