I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We just shotgunned beers for America
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
