remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
