The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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