Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
