imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
