I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
