My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
