I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I booty called her while she was in labor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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