What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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