Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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