Duck Duck Cougar?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When are your genitals available?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize