He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
