I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
