I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
