Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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