I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
