i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
