we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
