I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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