Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
