once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
