doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
