I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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