Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
