Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
