I got chris browned last night
I love black thongs
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
