She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
