I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I enjoy the company of your penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
