I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
