im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
