The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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