Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
