My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Congratulations! We have a period
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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