put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
