I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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