So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
