I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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