Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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