You smell like stripper and shame
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
