I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I just put wine in my tea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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