Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
