dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
