Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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