You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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